10 Easy Steps to Growing Up

Step 1:
Nice suit.

This one is actually not that hard to accomplish, and will earn continual dividends for you over the years. A good suit automatically affords you some style, elegance, class, and charm. If you're color coordinated, so much the better; a good shirt, stylish tie, and matching shoes will put you quite far along down the road to success.

All it takes to acquire a fitting piece for your wardrobe is some time, a little patience, some comparison shopping, and a good chunk of change (be prepared to spend at least $200, but you'd be better off at around $300 usually, or $400 if you just happen to fall in love with a piece). Be sure to try on as many suits as you can at each store, and make sure the fit is good for your physique. Each designer has a different size template, so 40R does not always mean 40R. Also, if you don't know your measurements yet, make sure you get yourself measured at the first respectable suit shop you visit (I know suit shop isn't the technical term, cut me some slack... get it slacks? oh God please don't let me do stand up any time soon).

Find a color that matches your skin tones, and that expresses a little something about your sense of style or your personality. Beware of overly gaudy or flashy pieces, no matter how fancy they might be. Pinstripes are cool, only if you can pull them off. And if you have to pause and think about it, then you probably can't. White suits are reserved for movie stars and Kanye West; I have never seen a normal person wear an all-white suit and look good. Greys and browns may work for you, but beware of looking too old-fashioned or boring. Black is always in style, but don't get anything too formal or stiff. The cut of a suit is also important, as a more stylish, slimmer, fitted cut can give off an air of... whatever it is that cool people give off an air of.

Keep in mind some rules about wearing suits:

1) NEVER button the bottom button. This applies to two-button as well as three-button suits.
2) Ties should have something in common with the suit or shirt. Complementary or matching, should be one or the other.
3) Black pants, black belt. Wear a brown belt with black pants, and be prepared to face the consequences. Specifically, the world will end. I'm not kidding. Please don't try it.
4) Black suit, white shirt, black shoes, and conservative tie for job interviews. If you don't know what a job interview is, don't worry about it. In fact, save yourself the money for buying a suit, you won't need it. Go buy yourself a nice trailer home.

Next time, Step 2:
Social Skills

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Do I have any idea what I'm talking about? God no. But we'll see where my advice gets me at Princeton.

(fingers crossed)